Friday, January 22, 2010

Day Ninety-Three: The Giving Circle









It's been 16 days since I renewed my commitment and energy to giving. I made the 29 days of giving pledge and I have stuck by it to small, incremental successes. The commitment was not bold. It was to simply give something of value to someone everyday for 29 days. It is amazing how simple it is and how powerful its effects can be.

I went about my daily routine without giving a great deal of thought to how I would fulfill my commitment. I have put myself in the mindset of kindness through my blog over the past several months, so I found that I didn't need to think much about it. It simply comes naturally, sort of like the mental conditioning experiments you see in spy thrillers. I find it has been quite easy to be kind to sales clerks, waitresses, ticket agents, postal workers, secretaries, janitors, and just about anyone else who crosses my daily path. I used to be quite expressionless and just move about my day in a quick and efficient manner. I find that now I am quick to smile or say hello or even give out a random compliment. To a person, I have received back the kindness I have expended.

My days are still routine, but they are so much nicer than before I started on this project. I am less likely to feel anxious and aggressive when I drive. That used to be a big problem. I am still running just as late, I still have 4 kids to get out the door on time and that is a near impossible task. For what ever reason, I have a bit more empathy for the driver in front of me. I don't tailgate anymore. (This used to be a very bad habit before I had a minivan full of kids. I thought the closer I road on someone's bumper, the faster they would move out of my way. Despite this thinking, it almost always worked in reverse.) I don't try to cut people off at the merge or the traffic circle anymore. I don't even try to outrun the yellow/red light. All bad driving habits that were signs of both impatience and bad manners. One unexpected consequence of this writing project has been becoming a safer driver. I suppose stranger things have happened, but this was a bit of an odd shocker.

The only thing I still struggle with is my kindness and patience with my children. It is a puzzling irony that I have become an unconscious giver of everyday kindnesses with complete strangers, yet I still have trouble finding patience and empathy for the mundane in my own house. I still lose my temper or patience or both when they squabble, fight, whine, complain or outright ignore me or each other. I can't stand it when the miss the toilet bowl, leave food wrappers on the floor or the video game paraphernalia all over the game room. Yet, I can be very understanding when my the food I ordered comes out wrong, the clerk over charged me or the line at the post office is way too long and slow. I am hoping that the conditioning towards kindness I am undergoing will continue to take root and grow strong enough to extend to those that I love most. This is especially important when I think of the giving circle. The kindness I put out in the world is given back to me. I have proven this to be true. The kindness I show to my children in the form of patience and self control will be planted in my children's personality. Will they be kind? Will they be tolerant, patience and empathetic? Will these traits only be seen when interacting with strangers or will they be evident with those they love most.

This is serious food for thought. Despite all I have learned and enjoyed over these months, the sobering message is that I still have a long way to go to make My Giving Project a complete and truly lasting success. I am up to the challenge. All in this household will be better for the undertaking.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Day Ninety-Two: If You Aren't Outraged, Start Paying Attention!


Citizens United v. Federal
Election Commission (2010)

The Supreme Court ruled today that it is
not within the power of the United States
Constitution to regulate the speech of
corporations. What does this mean?
What it means is simple and terrifying: Welcome to the United Corporations of America. Kiss your individual voice goodbye. It no longer has any meaning or relevance in America today.

This case was about a 90 minute movie produced by Citizens United, a conservative foundation with its stated goal in restoring conservative values to American government. This move was entitled Hillary: The Movie and it was essentially one long anti-Hillary attack ad aimed at defeating Hillary Clinton's bid for President. Citizen's United wanted to air their movie on Pay-Per-View channels on the eve of the Democratic primary in the hope that it would derail her candidacy. The Federal Election Commission stepped in and said no. Since the movie was essentially a political ad, it should be regulated as such. Because federal law prohibits the running of corporate sponsored ads on the eve of elections, the movie could not be placed on the pay as you go channels. Citizen's United sued stating that it's free speech rights were violated.

OK, here is where common sense goes completely out the window. This new decision states that corporations and unions have the same First Amendment free speech rights as American individual citizens. Think about that for a minute. THE SAME free speech rights as THE INDIVIDUAL. Because corporations have these rights, the FCC cannot regulate them just as they cannot regulate my rights or your rights. HUH????? Even worse, this decision now states that because corporations and unions now have individual free speech rights, the federal government may not regulate spending on political campaigns. Yup. Corporate America can now spend whatever they want on electing whom ever they like or defeating whom ever they fear. Do you know of any individual with more money to burn on buying politicians than corporations? Oprah? No. Bill Gates? Nope. They have a drop in the bucket next to the billions and trillions that are sitting in corporate coffers right now. If even they can't compete, how the hell can you or I?

One of the things that just sends me into orbit about this case is how a simple question about a political movie got hijacked into a question on all federal legislation regulating corporate money into politics. I don't think that this case was about that, but who cares? The 5 member majority has been itching to change these laws and somehow took this opportunity to change it out of hand. Never mind 2 previous Supreme Court decisions upholding the right of such regulation. Never mind 63 years of laws passed by Congress. These same 5- Kennedy, Roberts, Alito, Scalia and Thomas are the same 5 who hijacked our election and silenced our voices and votes in 2000 by giving the Presidency to Bush. Coincidence? I think not. These same 5 have repeatedly attacked the "liberal" court for overturning precedent and ignoring the will of the legislature. Shoe looks better on a conservative foot apparently.

Three cases in point to put this in some sort of perspective. Microsoft was just enmeshed in the largest Antitrust suit in American history and came out on the losing side. It was found that Microsoft was killing their competitors and creating a virtual monopoly with their Windows software integrated into all PCs put out on the market. Now Microsoft can fund any candidate it wants with no limitation. Poof. There goes the antitrust decision. Don't like what the federal regulators have to say? Don't worry, we can now buy our way out of any sticky situation. Think of what this means. Walmart not treating their workers right? Polluting the environment? Underselling the competition? Price Fixing? Putting labor unions out of business? Creating third world sweat shops? Poof. Elect the "someones" on the side of the largest retail giant in the world. Exxon spilling oil again? Fixing oil prices? Poof. Elect the "someones" who will turn a blind eye. Let them drill where ever and whenever they can. Gas at $10.00 a gallon? Too bad. It's what the market can bear. Free markets for all!

If you think I am overestimating the power of buying elections, think again. We are not just talking about buying ads to sway voters. Sure, the majority of political ads badly skew the truth, oversimplify and generally make fools of all who enter the political process. No, we are talking about corruption pure and simple. Now votes can be bought. Don't want to play ball? Madame Senator, Honorable Congressman, you will now face a flood of attack ads, scandal mongering and special interest pressure that make the last 50 years of politics look like a dress rehearsal. Welcome the Robber Barons into the haloed chambers of Congress, because they are a comin'.

Beyond all of this, think of what this means just in terms of where where were are headed. If corporations have the same First Amendment Rights as American individuals, where does it stop? They corporations must have the same right to privacy. Poof. No more federal regulation at all. They are then taxed without representation. Poof. The right to vote. One vote for each shareholder. No more corporate taxation. They must have the same right to bear arms. Poof. Each corporate office is now armed to the teeth. Does the image of Big Brother and 1984 ring any bells?!?

This decision is an absolute abomination. Everything that the United States Constitution stands for has been perverted for the sake of corporate greed. Oh, sorry, the conservative agenda calls it "freedom of the marketplace." This is not freedom of the marketplace. This is the first and absolutely terrifying step toward corporations running our country. Have we not seen that the marketplace does not care about the individual? Has not the greed and corruption of a minimally regulated Wall Street proven that? Are there not enough people who have lost their jobs, homes and all their money proven that? I am quite sure that it is not just the liberals who have been hit hard by the tanking of our economy. The color of greed is not red or blue, it is as as colorblind as life and death itself.

Why are their not people rioting in the streets right now?! Complacency be damned! I honestly do not think that the average American has any idea what Pandora's Box of horrors has been opened today. I am sick with rage! I am sick with fear. The founding fathers could not have envisioned such a perversion of the sanctity of the HUMAN individual. The weakening of the necessary power from the federal government to regulate corporate America by those sworn to uphold our Constitution and its values is also extremely distressing. If there is no government to stand up to corporations, who will? The individual? Ask your average Walmart worker how powerful he or she feels and you will get your answer.

If you are not yet completely and utterly pissed off, you clearly are not paying attention.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Day Ninety-One: Damn Contests!





If you've been reading this blog, you already know several things about me that are relevant to today's posting. First, you know that I have an A+, competitive personality. You also know that I am a big fan of Oprah. Finally, you know that that I believe in karma. Now I have been working hard on improving myself, working on being kinder, more tuned into the larger picture and less self centered. Now I must admit my dirty little secret. Somewhere in the back of my mind is lurking the idea that if I become a better person, if I put out all this great, positive energy into the universe, then I will finally win one of these damn contests!

I have entered at least 10 contests sponsored by The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Oprah Magazine or Oprah.com. I have written essays, written postcards, written poetry, made collages, typed in codes, prayed, made bargains with God, deals with the Devil and I have received absolutely nothing in return. Each time a new contest rears it's seductive head, I enter with hopes high. My goal in entering these contests is to meet Oprah. Somehow I've made myself believe that if this actually happens, my goal of becoming a writer will actually materialize. How? I don't know. Osmosis. Hand-Of-God. The Oprah Touch. Something miraculous will happen to my molecules once in her presence and I will make a comfortable, happy living with my writing prowess. I know it is foolish. I admit it. I have a foolish pipe dream that has no basis in reality. In our heart of hearts, don't we all?

I just entered the latest contest to see Oprah. At least I think that is what is was. I was so excited upon receiving my O Magazine that I didn't even stop to read what it actually was I was trying to win. Of course, after I plugged in my magic code, I was informed that I was not a winner, but , by the way, did I want to subscribed to O Magazine? What?! That did it! I didn't care what the contest was about because I was really pissed. How the hell do they think I got the damn information to enter this stupid contest in the first place? You had to have this month's issue to get the code! I suppose I could have bought it off the shelf in the grocery store, but please. It was another ploy to sell something. Talk about pipe dream deferred, hopes quashed, fantasy shot to hell! Maybe I should write to Oprah and complain. Then she'll be so impressed with the eloquence of my letter, she will invite me onto her show. Some powerful book editor with be impressed with my personality and wit, and I'll get a book deal with a major publishing house. My life will be forever changed, all because of... See, here I go again. I gotta stop entering these damn contests.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Day Ninety- Competition Much?
















Harrington Bowlers:

Age 6: 1st Place

Age 9: 2nd Place

Age 7: 3rd Place

Age 43: 4th Place

Age 3: 5th Place

Age 41: 6th Place, Dead Last and Not Very Happy About It.


I am extremely competitive. It is part of my A+ personality as much as my wry sense of humor, my lack of coordination and my love of shoes. I love competition, but only if I come out on top. I recently was worrying about my oldest, as he was not very happy with how his Cub Scout Derby car placed in his race. He was pouting when the trophies were being handed out and I took him aside to give him the sportsmanship lecture. I know now that I was talking to my mini-me. He has always hated losing since the days of losing at Candy Land as a 2 year old. He inherited it from me. Competition can be a very good thing. It can push you forward, aid you in reaching goals and bettering yourself. It has a dark side too. I can leave you looking like a bad sport and feeling bad about yourself when you lose. We all go through it, as it is one of the universal life lessons we all have to learn. Somehow, I think I either skipped or flunked
that class during my childhood years.

I knew I was competitive, but I didn't know how bad it really was. I was genuinely irritated that I lost while bowling with my husband and children. My husband thought it was quite funny and had a ball singing, "At least I didn't lose to a three year old!" I should have thought it was funny too. I did on some deep level, but not really. I'm kidding myself. I hated it. What fully functional, healthy 41 year old loses to a 3 year old? Apparently my lack of coordination was not inherited by my children, because they all beat my by a good 20 points. I admit it. I was annoyed. I wanted a rematch! Reset the pins! Let's go!

Of course we didn't play again. Do you have any idea how long it takes to bowl one string with four boys ages 9 and under? I think it took us about 2 hours. Mainly this is because the 3 and 6 year old simply dropped the ball onto the lane and then about 15 minutes later it hit the pins. They still kicked my ass! The shame of it... I know in my heart of hearts that I would have lost for a second time even if we played again. I just have to get over it.

So, when I take the next child aside to give him the sportsmanship lecture, I will have to remember the age old axiom, "Do as I say, not as I do." I will pray that these boys will grow up with a healthy sense of self, a good sense of humor and a competitive spirit that will not keep the up at night when they lose to their own kids. We all want better for our children then we have done for ourselves, right? I guess I need to rethink the need for therapy.... Happy Bowling everyone.









Sunday, January 17, 2010

Day Eighty-Nine: Musings on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day












An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
Martin Luther Ling, Jr.

It has been 53 years since the passage of the 1957 Civil Rights Act. In contrast, it has been 10 years since all 50 states have recognized and celebrated Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. The time line of events is staggeringly short, yet inconceivably explosive. Dr. King is not the entire story of the Civil Rights Movement, but he is the indisputable leader; the man who galvanized millions for change in the face of unimaginable hatred and violence with the creed of only dignity and nonviolence. The reason we celebrate him on this day in January is to celebrate his courage, his conviction and his ideals. We celebrate our own American evolution toward the sacred goal of "liberty and justice for all."

Our evolution has been long, painful and continuous. In 1875, the first Civil Rights Act was passed guarantying voting rights for all men, regardless of race. This was overturned by an unenlightened U.S. Supreme Court in 1883. It took 74 years for another Civil Rights Act to pass Congress again. This sparked the beginning of the African American Civil Rights Movement. Despite the federal mandate written into law granting all men and women the right to vote, resistance was fierce and bloody. The flame was lit on December 1, 1955 when Rosa Parks refused to give her bus seat to a white passenger. People took to the streets, organized and demanded organic change for true equality.

November of 1963 brought the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. It is no coincidence that he and his brother, then U.S. Attorney Robert Kennedy, were strong supporters of civil rights. From 1957 to 1963 saw the rise in sit-ins, protests, lynchings, bus bombings and police brutality. The drive to register black voters in the south brought with it murders, violence and intimidation against all who sought change, black and white alike. By August of 1963, the fever of the movement culminated in the famous March On Washington where millions of people converged on the National Mall in a call for national civil rights. It was there that Martin Luther King, Jr. solidified his stature as the leader of the movement with his "I Have A Dream Speech."

This was no means the end, but a marked beginning for the struggle to come. 1965 saw the infamous "Bloody Sunday" when Alabama police brutally attacked thousands who marched on Selma. In 1966, the north proved no more sympathetic than the south in that thousands who participated in the March on Chicago were greeted with dogs, bottles and fists. The struggle seemed to implode with the assassination of Dr. King in Memphis on April 4, 1968. The Black Power movement took over and the call for nonviolence was virtually abandoned as hopeless. Those violently opposed to the nonviolent Civil Rights Movement saw their worst nightmares realized with the rise of Malcom X and the Black Panthers.

The federal legislative history of the Civil Rights Act parallels the rise of the movement itself. In 1965, a new Civil Rights Act was signed guarantying voting rights and federal prosecution for interference. This "Voting Rights Act" was in direct response to the overwhelming violence meted out to the Voter Registration volunteers in the south. In 1968, another Civil Rights Act was passed known at the "Fair Housing Act." This legislation was in response to Dr. King's war on poverty and his push to create a fair playing field for all beyond the voting booth. Some believe that it is Dr. King's move from purely political change to the his war on poverty that sealed his fate in April of that same year.

The Civil Rights Act saw new life in 1991. This version of the act guarantees all people the right to sue employers who discriminate on the basis of race. The link from voting rights to housing rights to employment rights took 74 years. Although President Kennedy is known for his vocal support of civil rights, it is President Johnson who took the lead and pushed for the passages of the the Civil Rights Act of 1964, 1965 and 1968. His legacy is marred with the disaster known as the Vietnam War, but he earned a rightful place set among the heroes of the Civil Rights Era.

Where are we today? We have an American President with half his heritage and skin tone from the African continent. Thousands of African Americans converged on Washington for President Obama's Inauguration in January 2009. The mixture of thousands and thousands of people, all races, ages and religions, walking the streets of Washington, D.C. in a unified spirit of American idealism and hope was an experience like no other. I was proud to bear witness to that historic occasion with all the background of the Civil Rights Movement in my mind's eye. It was proof of America's collective maturation. One more step towards the promise of true equality under the law.

There is much work left to be done. Political pundits use Obama's race as a weapon. We need to move to a time when race is just another descriptive attribute rather than defining factor. Poverty is still rampant in this county and millions of children of all races go to bed hungry each night. Dr. King's dream did not materialize with enacted federal legislation for civil rights. His dream was for all people in a nation of plenty to equally share in it's bounty. We are a far cry from the mountaintop, but progress is forever moving maddeningly, slowly forward.

I had the opportunity in 1999 to visit the city of Memphis for a legal conference. I fell in love with the city during my visit. The music, the food, the "vibe" was as foreign to me as if I went to Hong Kong or Cairo. The sounds and the tastes of the city are soulful and splendid. Although this taste of the south was a very different experience, there was something about Memphis that fed my soul, and I guarantee it was not Graceland. I spent a solitary afternoon going through the National Civil Rights Museum. The Lorraine Motel is located on the outskirts of downtown Memphis and this the location were Dr. King was gunned down. The hotel is frozen in time. There are vintage cars parked outside the balcony of his last hotel room. The balcony itself is sealed off in plexiglass and I viewed the pieces of cement that were torn out from bullets. There even remains dark stains on the balcony floor when Dr. King fell. The smallness of the room, the ordinariness of the hotel was in stark contrast to what massive event took place there. The exhibits throughout the museum were interesting, but nothing has moved me as much as viewing that balcony. I left the platform with tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my heart. Memphis saw the end of Dr. King's life but not his legacy. This is why I will always love Memphis.

The National Civil Rights Museum brought home to me the essence of what personal sacrifices were made in the name of a national ideal. The individual acts of courage; refusing to give up a bus seat, standing before snapping,snarling dogs, being spit upon, sprayed with needle sharp water, anticipation of bombs, gunshots or beatings all for the sake of the collective need for human dignity and worth. Many of my generation and the generation we have birthed cannot fathom that type of commitment, especially when instant gratification is not evident after all the struggle and sacrifice. I don't think that many people stop to think about what it felt like to be Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr., or Medgar Evers, to withstand the daily doses of personalized hatred and threat of violence. What must it have been like to be riding on a Freedom Bus worrying about being shot or blown up? How did it feel to sit at a lunch counter and have food dumped upon you, slurs screamed in your face and taking punches all while swallowing the urge to fight back? All this was endured and more without the help of the very people paid to protect us from personal harm. The police, the sheriffs, the varied members of law enforcement were fueling the very violence they swore to deter. I'd like to think I'd have joined the cause, but I honestly don't think I could have mustered the courage to be on the front lines. I honor the memory of all those nameless Americans who did this Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. We all should honor them as well and sincerely as we honor all fallen American Soldiers.

I have been spiritually connected to the legacy of Dr. King as long as I can remember. I have been fascinated with him and his courage of conviction as long as I can remember. I was born exactly 4 days after he was assassinated and always viewed that as a sign of sorts. My favorite Christmas gift was a recording of his "I Have A Dream Speech" when I was in Jr. high school from my mother. I feel he was on the path of something great, something beyond himself and his race. It may have been the African American Civil Rights Movement he championed, but all of us have benefited from the pains of his labor, and the thousands who followed him. The Women's Movement, the rights of children, immigrants and the impoverished have all flowed from these years of struggle and heartache. His essence of compassion for all of humanity has left him among my most favored and idealized historical figures. I know he was marred with personal failings. I am not interested in these. I am only interested in honoring all he stood for and all he represents.

To honor all those who fought, struggled, bled and died for Civil Rights, honor more than Dr. King's Day. It is not just another federal holiday, another day off from school and work. It is a time to reflect upon our past and honor the promise of our future. That promise is in the hands of every American.Visit www.mlkday.gov to see how you can volunteer your services in your community. The spirit of volunteering is the essence of who Dr. King was. To serve something besides your own self interest for the benefit of a greater community is the dream. Let the dream flourish.