One late night, I realized that all my life as been a series of setting then obtaining goals. From my earliest school memories through my graduation from law school, I have set high goals for myself and then obtained them. I can think of only a few goals I set for myself that I have not obtained. One, was to go to college in Washington, D.C. That was financially out of my reach at the time, so no use dwelling on that. The other was getting a job directly out of law school. It was recession and I didn't graduate from an ivy-league law school. Jobs were scarce, so I did the next best thing. I took 3 successive bar exams and passed them, all in an effort to create marketability. It ultimately prove futile, as the job I got was in the first bar state I passed, but I'm sure the fact a that I passed 3 bar exams will hold some weight with potential future employers.
This brings me to my epiphany. I haven't set any type of goal for myself in a very long time. Sure, I set the weight loss goal, but who hasn't? I'm talking about the type of goal that requires a great deal of dedication, grit and determination. Having children was a goal, but having 4 turned out to be more of an accident of circumstance than calculated events. Raising them is also much more fluid than any goal setting requires. I have set daily goals of getting done what needs to be done, but it becomes mind numbing after the sheer number of repetitions. How may times can I get all the laundry done or clean out the closets before it all needs to be done again?
I need to set a goal for myself. The problem is, I have no idea what goal to set. Should it be to publish a book? That would entail a great deal of time and effort into learning the craft and I'm not so sure this is what I really want to do. Get a job? I've set that goal, but it is too vague. I don't know if I want to go back to the conventional practice of law. I don't really know where my talent and time would be best suited. Go back to prosecuting? I don't know if I have the patience for criminal offenders any more. Start my own practice again? I don't know if I want to repeat that experience, as I know I don't have the patience for the criminal offenders I'd have to represent to make it profitable.
So, here I sit. I am very clear on my current state of discontentment. I have no real goal to work toward other than to find my goal. I guess another way of saying it is I have to find my passion and turn it into a way to make a living. I need to work, to create something, to contribute something to feel vibrant and alive. I just don't know what that is. I've read that many others feel the same way. Many feel stuck in dead end jobs or stuck in "golden handcuffs"- jobs that pay well but are not fulfilling. I'm not stuck in either, but I do need to look toward the next phase of my life and find what I need to be fulfilled. Put simply, I need a goal. Any ideas?
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