Day Ninety-Three: The Giving Circle

It's been 16 days since I renewed my commitment and energy to giving. I made the 29 days of giving pledge and I have stuck by it to small, incremental successes. The commitment was not bold. It was to simply give something of value to someone everyday for 29 days. It is amazing how simple it is and how powerful its effects can be.

I went about my daily routine without giving a great deal of thought to how I would fulfill my commitment. I have put myself in the mindset of kindness through my blog over the past several months, so I found that I didn't need to think much about it. It simply comes naturally, sort of like the mental conditioning experiments you see in spy thrillers. I find it has been quite easy to be kind to sales clerks, waitresses, ticket agents, postal workers, secretaries, janitors, and just about anyone else who crosses my daily path. I used to be quite expressionless and just move about my day in a quick and efficient manner. I find that now I am quick to smile or say hello or even give out a random compliment. To a person, I have received back the kindness I have expended.

My days are still routine, but they are so much nicer than before I started on this project. I am less likely to feel anxious and aggressive when I drive. That used to be a big problem. I am still running just as late, I still have 4 kids to get out the door on time and that is a near impossible task. For what ever reason, I have a bit more empathy for the driver in front of me. I don't tailgate anymore. (This used to be a very bad habit before I had a minivan full of kids. I thought the closer I road on someone's bumper, the faster they would move out of my way. Despite this thinking, it almost always worked in reverse.) I don't try to cut people off at the merge or the traffic circle anymore. I don't even try to outrun the yellow/red light. All bad driving habits that were signs of both impatience and bad manners. One unexpected consequence of this writing project has been becoming a safer driver. I suppose stranger things have happened, but this was a bit of an odd shocker.

The only thing I still struggle with is my kindness and patience with my children. It is a puzzling irony that I have become an unconscious giver of everyday kindnesses with complete strangers, yet I still have trouble finding patience and empathy for the mundane in my own house. I still lose my temper or patience or both when they squabble, fight, whine, complain or outright ignore me or each other. I can't stand it when the miss the toilet bowl, leave food wrappers on the floor or the video game paraphernalia all over the game room. Yet, I can be very understanding when my the food I ordered comes out wrong, the clerk over charged me or the line at the post office is way too long and slow. I am hoping that the conditioning towards kindness I am undergoing will continue to take root and grow strong enough to extend to those that I love most. This is especially important when I think of the giving circle. The kindness I put out in the world is given back to me. I have proven this to be true. The kindness I show to my children in the form of patience and self control will be planted in my children's personality. Will they be kind? Will they be tolerant, patience and empathetic? Will these traits only be seen when interacting with strangers or will they be evident with those they love most.

This is serious food for thought. Despite all I have learned and enjoyed over these months, the sobering message is that I still have a long way to go to make My Giving Project a complete and truly lasting success. I am up to the challenge. All in this household will be better for the undertaking.