I have discovered that I have learned a great many things from raising four boys. I was always a "girly-girl" so I had no idea what to do or what to expect upon the birth of my first son. Now that I am into year ten (WOW) I thought I'd share with you a few of things that I've found out along the way. Most of which, I assure you, is knowledge I could have lived without.
1. There is not a toy made on this planet that cannot be torn, ripped, pulled, stomped or chewed apart. The more expensive it is, the faster this is possible.
2. Any inanimate object may be made into a real or imaginary deadly weapon. It merely depends upon the level of ingenuity and the mood of the male child.
3. All brother's stink until one gets into trouble and then Mom stinks.
4. Time out is a great place to take a nap.
5. No matter what the purpose, any inanimate object may be inserted in any bodily opening for a hearty belly laugh. Despite all warnings, none have yet stuck. I'm dreading the one that finally does.
6. No matter how many toys, games, books, puzzles, crafts, video games and sporting equipment boys own, they are always bored until bed becomes the only option left.
7. There is never too much talk revolving around pee, poop, burps or farts. This is especially true in an adult restaurant, the confines of a minivan or any place where voices carry.
8. There has not been a tub made that can contain bath water during bath time.
9. Boys are never tired at bed time, but strangely they are always too tired to brush their teeth.
10. If the video game is rated T or the movie is rated PG13, I am invariably destroying their very young lives by not letting them rent, watch or play it.
11. A pinata's true purpose it to be beaten with a stick after it falls down, then it is to be jumped upon until it is flat and them ripped to a million little pieces like a surreal scene out of a Quenton Tarantino film.
12. No movie is too scary until bedtime rolls around.
13. There is no better place to play than the empty attic with the pull down stairs, especially if Mom didn't hear you get up there in the first place.
14. There is no better toy than an empty appliance box, except maybe the wrapping paper tube.
15. The only place to play on a rainy day just before the school bus arrives is in a large puddle while wearing anything but rain gear.
16. Sledding is no fun without snow jumps.
17. Baseball bats are not just for baseball anymore.
18. Yes, boys do insist upon "cool" clothes too. Even the three year old.
19. Dogs will go berserk when a male child points a toy gun or sword at them. Yet, no message of "stop teasing the dog" will ever penetrate a male child's skull.
20. Boys don't like their brothers looking at their "privates" when they have to bath, change or go to the bathroom, but there is no problem in streaking around the house buck naked for a good laugh.
21. A male child can sustain most bodily injury obtained during play without so much as a peep. A male child cannot sustain so much as a light tap with a brother's forefinger without blood curdling screams of agony.
22. America's Funniest Home Videos was made expressly for the male child under the age of 10.Especially any videos involving males being hit in the groin.
23. Talk of any girl being your girlfriend from your brother guarantees a good beating.
24. Wrestling is always appropriate. Especially around things that dent, break or shatter.
25. Dad is way cooler and way more fun than Mom, but it is Mom they always want whenever they are hurt, sick or sad. I wouldn't have it any other way.
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