Day Seventy-Six: Christmas Photos

More Than a Few Misses In the Perfect Christmas Card Photo Quest

I don't know about you, but I dread the obligatory Christmas Card photo every year. I used to love to send out Christmas cards. I loved it so much, I was the obnoxious sender who had my cards addressed, signed, stamped (with Christmas stamps) and mailed no later than the day after Thanksgiving. (Its was okay to hate me. It really was obnoxious.) It got to be a running joke with my friends that it was physically impossible to get cards out faster than me. Now, I would rather get a tooth filled, watch my dog eat one of my Italian leather shoes or have my annual o.b. exam than get try to take the photo for the annual greeting card.

Don't get me wrong, the photo card is a wonderful idea. It keeps far flung friends and relatives in the once-a-year loop. They get to see how the kids have grown and changed. They also get to see how each year it takes me longer to get the cards out. If they are paying attention, the ratio to each additional day late directly correlates the extra amount of chaos added on each year. In a few years, people will receive their cards sometime around the 4th of July.

I have heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again in the expectation that a different result will be achieved. I am one insane chic! Each year I prop up, pose and direct my children in the hope that I will get that perfect shot in just one or two takes. I start out with high hopes and an abundance of Christmas spirit. I tell myself that this will be the year that I will not lose my temper, it will be fun, they will cooperate and other such total nonsense. Every year, whether age 2 or age 9, no one cooperates at the same time, it devolves into drudgery and I always lose my temper. It is sort of like expecting they will not miss the toilet when they pee, they will actually pick up their clothes when the take them off or they will not hit each other over which cartoon to watch. It never happens and I tell them over and over again what I want. I bet even Freud, while shaking his head in disgust, would not know what to say to me.

This year, like all years, I attempted to take several different photos at several different times, just to add to my holiday stress. Getting these boys ready for an "impromptu" photo shoot is like herding cats. I wonder if it will go any smoother with a professional photographer, but I don't want the invoice or the look of pity from the photographer if goes as expected. I wonder if other parents slip their kids a bit of whiskey in their fruit punch before taking the picture. Some photos I get are so beautiful and serene, that I actually cry. Not because they are beautiful, but because I can't get these boys to do that if my life depended upon it.

I ultimately didn't get the photo of my dreams. As you will note in the card you receive, Joey's ears are protruding out from under his Santa hat because he insisted that I had no idea how to put the damn thing on his head. Someday he is going to love this story when he complains about the picture... The only year I got my dream photo was the first year of motherhood. Jack was only 3 months old and he was up for a middle of the night feeding. Me, in my sleep deprived stupor, propped that poor kid up next to a stuffed Grinch in an infant Christmas sleepy suit and proceeded to snap away. I remember laughing with pure joy. Jack looks as though he knows what's coming; a humiliating photo that I will bring out on his first dates and at his wedding reception. Ah, they joys of motherhood!

I look forward to seeing all the cards and photos this year. I never give up hope that someone will throw in the towel and send out a photo of the kids in full rebellion- screaming toddlers, goofy faces, pouts and tears. You know, all the good stuff that we parents try to hide from everyone in the insane tradition of showing our angelic and perfect children to those on the Christmas card list. Maybe a good dose of reality is just what is called for to take the pressure off of us less than perfect parents. At the very least, it would act as a strong dose of birth control for the childless and those contemplating adding more children to their brood.

On that note- Happy Card Writing!

Day Seventy-Five: Snow Days

Ahhhh...Snow Days

Remember the childhood anticipation of waking and wondering if there was a large accumulation of snow on the ground? Anticipating the announcement that school was cancelled due to the weather? The roar of approval, the whopping for joy when you heard that your school was closed for the day? We had that here today with our first storm of the season. The kids were so thrilled! I remember the feeling so well, but let me tell you, a memory is all it is now. I felt like that kid in Home Alone when he slaps on aftershave over newly shaved skin for the first time...NOOOOOOO!!!!

The morning went well enough. The kids were all buzzing with excitement because of the cancellations streaming across the bottom of the television screen. I made a big, hearty breakfast which was wolfed down in milliseconds. Afterward, they tore down the stairs to various video screens for hours of mind numbing entertainment courtesy of wii, Nintendo and dell computers. After an hour and a half or so of this, I called them up to change and get busy with chores. Big mistake.

I have heard all the experts talk about how bad it is to let your kids watch too much t.v. and play too many video games. I know it is not good for developing brains and developing bodies. What the experts don't tell you is that it is good for busy, stressed out mother. Once the screens went blank, all hell broke lose. Wrestling over socks. Headlocks over legos. Stuffed animals and worn pajamas thrown over the top railing just to how far they could fly and/or on whom they could land. My headache started just about as the last of the screeching, stuffed monkeys hit the first floor. The frown lines on my forehead have grown exponentially since 10 o'clock this morning.

Just when I thought my head would pop off, the power went out. Mind you, I thought I was prepared for this inevitability, since the forecast called for wet, heavy snow. No, I was not nearly mentally prepped for this little wrinkle in our snow day. You would have thought that the roof was caving in. It was noon time in full daylight and still the kids are running around screaming that they can't find the flashlights and they are scared of the dark. I started a fire in the fireplace (not in the middle of the living room as I fantasized) and then herded them outside for an afternoon of winter wonderland fun.

It took about 40 minutes to get everyone bundled up so tight that knees barely bent, but we finally made it out the door. The initial snowballs, footprints and snowflakes on tongues were such a welcome change from the chaos of cabin fever. I didn't mind shoveling the walk nor did I mind being pelted with snowballs. We moved on to snowman making, which was very successful due to the wet, sticky snow. What wasn't successful was telling Jacob he couldn't pull the arms out of the snowman because he proceeded to kick the crap out of it. When he was done, it looked like the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon of the car wreck snowmen. More wrestling and screaming ensued. Oh, winter wonderland of fun!

Now the power is back on and so is the television. Blessed peace descends upon the land. After another Diet Coke and a hit of some Godiva chocolates I have been saving for a Christmas gift, I will once again insist that the t.v. be turned off and imaginations be engaged. Come to think of it, I think I should take Advil or two as well... I'm hoping that the snow plows are working overtime and the bus driver is ready to go at exactly 8:25 tomorrow morning. I don't think I can take another snow day. I'll be the only one here whopping for joy when there is no scrolling list of cancellations on my t.v. screen. Man, I love school.

Day Seventy-Four: Donor List

Bone Marrow Cells:

Potential Medical Miracle

I spent a wonderful weekend perusing the shopping outlets and shopping malls of Massachusetts without the noise and confusion of small male children. It was a welcome break and a much needed rest after a few weeks of plague-like illness sweeping through my house. As I was happily (and a bit guiltily) contemplating whether I should buy a fourth pair of shoes (as the latest pair was fabulous and completely unnecessary, hence the burning need for them) I was distracted by a tall, young attractive woman in a bright blue wig and white lab coat. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she was standing in front of a large poster that appeared to be advertising a children's medical charity. My curiosity got the best of me, so I stopped. She was there to draw attention to a bone marrow donation drive. I didn't even hesitate. I signed up.

It was no small thing to sign up for a possible medical procedure in the middle of a busy mall at the height of the holiday season. I had to fill out a long form, provide medical insurance information and give four cheek swabs for processing. It felt more than a little weird doing all this in front of Ann Taylor. Still, I can't think of a busier place to seek out the willing. What a powerful, driving combination- holiday cheer and consumer guilt. Someone had their Madison Avenue thinking cap on the day they came up with this idea.

When I relayed the information that I had signed up to be a bone marrow donor to those I was with, I didn't get the reaction I expected. There was more than a bit dismayed concern. "That is soooo painful." "Why would you want to do that?!" The answer is simple. If my child were sick I would hope to God that someone out there was willing to help. I firmly and absolutely believe that you get back what you put out there, so I'm putting a deposit in the cosmic karma safety deposit box and hope for the best. If there is anything I have learned from 74 days of writing about random acts of kindness it is that once you start, you don't want to stop. It gets easier to find things to do that put out this positive flow of energy. Today I happened to find it because of a shiny, loud, bright blue wig, but there will be other ways to find it tomorrow. Maybe these things that need doing will not be made so obvious. I only need to be open to the possibilities. Sure, some things may take some time, some effort and even cause some pain. Tell me if you know of anything that is worthwhile doing that doesn't?

In the meantime, I have no idea if I will ever be called upon to follow through with my impulsive decision. Being added to the donor list doesn't guarantee that I will be a bone marrow match for someone in need. It only assures me and my God that I truly care about the health, pain and quality of life of my fellow human beings. Not a bad day at the mall. Who says that shopping doesn't save lives? This shopping trip might just do that someday. I'll take a bit of satisfaction in that. That and the three pair of shoes that I purchased. No, not a bad day at the mall at all.