"A gift is your way of expressing how you feel about another person." These were Oprah's words of wisdom in her December "What I Know For Sure" column. I read her magazine cover to cover each month because it is full of empowering advice, interesting deeds and thoughts of all types of women, beautiful fashion and just plain positive energy. It is the one night of the month that I forgo what ever book I am reading and cuddle up with the latest issue. This month, instead of mentally shaking my head in agreement, I immediately felt dissention. Yes, a gift does express feeling, but not necessarily how you feel about someone. Many of us do not have enough money or time to express how we really feel about the recipient of our gifts. A gift is a mere token of our feelings, not a true expression of them.
As I ponder this idea, I am also reminded of cliche "Its The Thought That Counts." Again, I do not totally agree with this. It is true that receiving a gift means that someone took the time to remember you, so that thought is a gift in and of itself. However, a terrible gift is a terrible gift. Such a gesture, no matter how well intentioned, is not an entirely positive experience. Time and money has gone to waste. The recipient often wonders if this person knows the first thing about them, because if they did, they would never have given this "thing" to them in the first place. This sounds a bit selfish and even harsh, but let's be real. We have all thought it at one time or another.
I have been very careful this year in my planning for Christmas gift giving. Routinely, I have written up a list of everyone I need to remember and let my wanderings form the ideas for the gifts. This was part of the sport of Black Friday shopping, searching for the perfect gift among the millions of possibilities. This ritual, although enjoyable at the time, always had me overspending, buying much for then necessary and deeply in debt. This year I tried a new approach. I wrote up my list and let it sit. I thought about what I wanted to buy, what people need and would also enjoy, and how I should appreciate gift giving without a grand, expensive gesture. I am sure if I were in psychotherapy, my shrink would tell me that the urge to overspend on each gift is my need to be loved at the expense of my common sense. Susie Orman's words rang through my head," you are not being generous when you charge a gift you cannot afford." When I first heard that, I thought she was talking directly to me. Sounds simple, but it turns out that this has been the mentality of millions of women for many years.
I looked over my list and I got a few ideas, but I can't afford most of them. For some reason I start thinking about books. I love books. I loved them as a child and I love them still. I decide to pass on some of my favorites. I would love to get a good book, so I was happy with this decision. Still, it didn't feel like enough. The shrink in my head is talking to me, telling me to relax and stick with my thoughtfully considered decision. Still, it doesn't feel "like an expression of how I feel about" some important people in my life. What to do?
This idea popped into my head while I was driving the other day. (For some reason I get my best ideas when I'm driving.) Three things. I am going to give three things to everyone on my list and it is not going to cost me a thing. If a gift is supposed to express feelings, then why shouldn't the feeling be the gift? I will write down three things I like best about each person to whom I give a gift. So often we lament the fact that we don't tell those around us what we want them to know, Christmas seems to be a perfect opportunity. I am going to make up little cards with my three things written on the inside. The physical thing will be my token. The three things will be my gift. I think that this gift idea, more than any other I've had over the years, embodies the true meaning of the holiday season. Feel free to steal my idea. It is up for grabs and I hope it catches on. I can't think of anything I rather receive from the people that I love.
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