Day Sixty-Nine: Thankful Stream of Conciousness

THANKFUL:

A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

I am thankful (in no particular order or preference) that:

My overdraft account is active therefore I don't have to ask my parents for money at the age of 41;

That my husband hasn't yet divorced me because of the existence of said overdraft account;

Sitting on the floor of my closet gazing at all the pairs of my designer shoes still makes me happy even though I can't wear most of them without debilitating pain;

Some of my closest friends moved to California giving me a perfect excuse to go on a solo vacation for several days every few years;

There is one morning every week I can take a nap because all of my kids are out of the house;

My sister-in-law is having a baby right now and not me (not now, not ever again!);

Wine is medicinal;

Only one more diaper clad butt to go;

Hair dye is cheap;

David Sedaris, Erma Bombeck, Denis Leary and Vicky Iovine are published authors because it gives me hope;

My family is only one hour away and that my family is one hour away;

My kids still go to bed by 8:30, which means I get 15 seconds alone with my husband every night before crashing like timber;

Pizza can arrive at my house in 30 minutes or less, the slices can be eaten on napkins and the box it came in is recyclable;

I can afford good chocolate and a good therapist;

My best friend's numbers are on my cell's speed dial after leaving the therapist's office/shopping mall/bakery;

Someone invented Spanx, the Wonderbra and long wearing makeup;

My husband still thinks I'm hot after a bad night's sleep, morning breath and a week's worth of leg shaving neglect so I don't really need to buy all the above mentioned crap;

My neighbors are far enough away so they don't hear me yelling at the kids, or at least they are far enough away that the actual words are unintelligible;

I'm finally old enough not to give a damn who sees me cry during the latest chick flick/sitcom/baby commercial;

My mother-in-law is nothing like my mother's mother-in-law;

I married into a huge Irish, Catholic family and everyone is still nice to me even though I can't remember all the names after 12 years;

Meryl Streep is still making movies while Pamela Anderson is not.

Sarcasm is mistaken for wit and intelligence instead of recognized as the purest form of obnoxiousness that it is;

My eyesight is still good enough to see every chin hair that needs to be plucked (God forbid the day comes when I can't...a definite Glamour Don't)

Weight Watchers makes ice cream bars (although I don't think the idea is that I should eat more than 2 or 3 at a time...)

Diet Coke is legal;

There are people out there that knew when I wore both braces and prairie skirts and, despite that, that they still talk to me;

School is mandatory for children ages 6 to 16 years of age and I don't believe in home schooling;

I am simultaneously agnostic, Christian and Jewish at this time of the year;

Chocolate chip cookie dough is an effective antidote to stress;

My sister still likes me even after the lunch money incident of 1984;

The Nanny is in reruns on Nick-at-Nite (God bless that Jewish Goddess of hair, nails & designer shoes!);

iPods are portable so I can sing my lungs out whenever the mood strikes me while rendering me deaf to my own voice by the use of the very fancy Bose earbuds I use with it;

That I still want to go to Paris with my husband alone, to the exclusion of all others (sorry, Will Smith, Michael Jordan and the 80s version of Mel Gibson);

I'm not too old to go to rock concerts and (sorry, boys) I don't think I ever will be; and that

I am only marginally insane after 41 years, two degrees, no job, 4 kids, 1 dog and a minivan.

May you be thankful for all the special people, places and things in your life.

Happy Thanksgiving.